So, after I finally broke down to tears tonight, I thank God that Tim understands me enough to know that it hasn't been about him...but me and my ISSUE. I'm coming face to face with the task of letting go of my babe. I guess, in a way, I've done it before...but it was different because it was with family. Alex begins day care on the 20th of August and we are going to start her slowly the week before that. I think that gradual introduction is almost more for me than her. She will love it there. She's already visited and did not want to leave. It really is going to be fun for her. In nursing school I remember learning about women and the different stages they go through when they have children. Letting go was the one that I had not yet experienced. Well, I am now. I already feel like I'm driving her off to college, that I am no longer needed. Even as I type that, I understand how obsurd that sounds, but it doesn't change the way I feel.
I know that daycare has so many positives and many advantages to offer children, and I look forward to watching her grow through that experience. I also look forward to doing something for me with starting work in something I think will really challenge me to grow as well as give to many other peanuts in need and their families. I do dread the runny noses, the coughs, the flu, etc. that The Peanut will be bringing home with her, but I also know that her immune system will kick butt when she's older.
So, really, rationally, I know that I'm being a typical mom...going through the typical phases...I just never ever imagined it would be so incredibly emotional. I don't consider myself one of those crazy-ily obsessed moms who is obsessed with only their children...I think I have a rather good balance, actually...so I can't imagine if I were one of them!
Ok, enough. THank you for reading. I'm sure I will have many fun day care stories to share in the future, not to mention work stories. And thank you, Tim, for understanding me...getting me more than I get myself sometimes :) I'm sure this will be the first of many "letting go" blogs...
And yes, of course...as always, a quote:
"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone
(I could not have said it more perfectly. I think I finally understand, Mom, why it is you worry and you worry and you worry... :-)
3 comments:
When I worked for Three Rivers Montessori I got to see many moms when they left their child for the first time. One mom was crying so hard she ran out of the building, tripped over a curb and slid on her belly into the parking lot. She then got up, dropped her purse and began wailing. I will never forget it. There was another mom that called like every thirty minutes for a week. One thing I learned is all moms handle it different. Some are running with glee to their cars and others you have to push out of the school. It is good you are dealing with the emotions before you drop her off. She will do great and so will you!
thanks! i know it will be fine. it's just i didn't think i'd be dealing with all these emotions when she is still so friggin young!
i thought maybe when she hit puberty or something...but she's not even TWO! ha! that story about the woman falling is pretty funny...not really, but sorta. but not...:)
that was a sad blog.
i feel sad as well. if we had more money, you could stay home and become the baby factory you always wanted to be. I'll work on making more money.
no seriously, I am sad at seeing her grow up. we get to spend alot of time with her, though. so I guess we have to get over it. i know it is hard for you.
Post a Comment