some random thoughts....

I found I cute little video we took on our camera when Alex was just learning to walk at her grandparents' house. I apologize ahead of time for the high pitched "yeah" from yours truly. The best part is after the high pitched "yeah"! A jealous friend will come join us! Too funny!

This weekend:

This weekend I went to the fort. Much fun had by all as well as some interesting experiences.

Experience at Platos Rip-off Closet:

So, I had some pants that either shrunk considerably, or I was not eating when I bought them (but then again, I am always eating, so scratch that option), or I have "outgrown" them...gotten taller and wider, or they shrunk (i'm going with this option..it makes me the most happy). I bought them fairly recently, just this past winter when I was in school. Anyway, in perfect condition. I only wore them each once or twice, if that. So i thought i'd try my luck at Platos closet. There were 4 pairs of pants from Old Navy, one pair from target. So, they tell you to look around while they "investigate" basically how old and nasty your clothes really are. [side note: it was evident that they don't always do a good job of that after looking around at the items they had chosen to sell, so i was thinking, "sweet, mine are in perfect shape with zero wear and look more stylish than half this trash!"] I was noticing old navy pants were going for about 10-18 dollars depending on wear and age, i was assuming. So, I was thinking I could at least get 20 or so dollars for all my pants total (to allow them to make some money on top of that). So, my name was written on the board. I head up to the counter...the excitement building as I am broke, shop-deprived, and wanting a good deal so i can return the cash into the retail market of beautiful clothes. The girl throws a laudry basket on the counter (i notice one of the pairs of pants is still in the bag I brought the clothes in, the others are in the basket--bingo, i think. they totally want the rest of my pants! i knew they'd love them! they are probably the nicest pants they've gotten in awhile and want to thank me for bringing them some decent clothes!). The girl says, (and i say girl because she is just a girl, merely 14 or 15 by the looks for her...very young...judging my grown up clothes) "the pants in the bag we 'can't' take because they are 'beyond' our time allowance...they are more than a year and a half old" she looks disgusted, dirty old pants, i'm sure she's thinking. (oops, i didn't realize that. that's ok, i think. they were the target ones and i wasn't even really remembering to add them into my estimate anyway. no sweat, i think.). she continues, "the others, we'll give you $10.07" (what? did i hear correctly? my stomach sinks and I am surprisingly insulted, angry, ashamed, and disappointed...i wanted to tell her, to yell to her i saw some nasty hoe's pants out there on the rack selling for twice that from the same store, and here i am offering 4 pairs of great pants! ones that could be dressed up or dressed casually...ones that i know the employees have probably already called dibs on or were fighting over.) i say, "10.07? hmmm..." as i'm thinking and working hard to hide my embarrassement and sadness she says impatiently, "it's up to you..." (oh really? it's up to me? you're not going to force me to hand them over and push me out the door with a ten in my hand less five, i mean four pairs of amazing pants that i would love to keep if they still fit me..it's up to me? listen here little school girl!---i was thinking all this of course...too disheartened to say anything) so, to hide my dismay i say, "yeah, just a second, i'm trying to think of someone I could just give them to..." (there ya go, mel. that'll show her. let her know you'd rather give them away than to her sorry self and this pathetic excuse of a 'store'...nasty hoes' pants and all...) so, after 'thinking' on whether i should leave with them in hand and hang them back in my closet as an everyday reminder of this rotten experience and knowing i will never wear those crotch crowders or should i suck up my pride, what's left, take the damn 10 dollars and go about my way with a mere 10 extra dollars in hand. "that's fine. i say. ok. 10.07." I was defeated. while her heart smiled because she knew i had been taken for a fool and they had four great pairs of pants now, my heart did not smile. I felt the fool. I was a recipient, the acceptor of a really rotten deal. At least I had my target pants in hand...at least they wouldn't get those from me...the bastards. I could go home and hang them back in my closet to never wear. So, after the defeat I took my sorry 10 dollars, my target pants, and my wounded pride to where else but zestos. A small cup of fat free bavarian chocolate later, i was feeling a little better. As i drove home, i had my, now, 8 dollars and 23 cents, target pants that don't fit me, a belly full of ice cream, and less four pairs of great great pants that i'll never get back. So i start thinking. Rehashing what just happened. Maybe they'll take my shoes...I bet they'd be dying to get their hands on some of my shoes...i bet I'd get top dollar for them..those bastards....yes, that's what i'll do. I'll take my shoes in and they'll do anything to get them. The school girl will say, "hey, aren't you the girl with the really great pants? we were sorry we couldn't offer you more...but these shoes, wow! these shoes, we'll give you anything you want!"

Experience at Lowes: Turtle Wax and the kindness of strangers:

Sunday morning I wake up and my dad is eagerly washing, or as he called it, "rinsing" my car off. Yes! I am so happy he is doing that for me! He alwasy cleans it so much better than I do. I go out to tell him he really doesn't need to do that knowing he will anyway. He says, "It could use some help, dearest". That's disappointed dad talk for "You really should take better care of your car". He loves his cars like he loves his garage. And I love my car, too, but well, those bugs are literally impossibly stuck to the front part of my car (what's that called? a fender? or is that the back? i dunno. wait, the back is the bumper so the front must be the fender) anyway, i say, "I know, dad. I just don't know what to do to get that stuff off." A few directions later, Alex and I are off to lowes to get some some wax and bug/tar cleaner-offer. When we get into lowes, i ask the woman at customer service, "where are your automotive things, like wax and what nots?" she is puzzled. maybe i've come to the wrong place, i think. surely not. my dad would not steer me wrong. He knows lowes like he knows his own house. "I'm sorry," she says..."this is a 'home goods' store" (she says 'home goods' very slowly, to make sure i understand her, in case i am 'slow' as she thinks i must be if i thought they would have car wax) "we don't have that type of thing," she finishes. "oh....ok,"I say. i act like i wasn't really sure if they would have it anyway, and that was fine...as if i had tons of other stuff to buy and was just curious if they had it...i didn't even really need it anyway. So, alex and i head to the exit. Before we reach the exit we see an isle filled with car goods (wax, sprays, cleaners, mits, rags, etc)! an isle that is very easily seen from where that woman who 'helped' me was standing. So, I pick out wax and cleaner and go to pay for it. I give Alex the wax tub to hold, she likes helping with this type of thing. I told her we have to pay for it before we can leave with it. She understands this but not the wating in line part. She walks right up in front of everyone else in line and places the wax on the counter. It was cute. We all had a good laugh. I tell her we have to wait for our turn. strangers smile and comment on how cute she is. it was a cute moment. She grabs the wax and heads back towards me. She drops the tub of wax. It splatters and dumps all around her. I leap to catch her before she slips in it, but it was too late. She was sitting in a pile of goopy/pastey wax. her shoes and feet were coated, her hands covered, and now, i, too, am covered. my hobo purse! damnit! owell. goal is to leave without alex ingesting any wax, as it looks and smells delicious...like a fruity frosting. even i'm tempted to dip my finger and taste, but i don't. I ask the cashier for papertowels or something. he radios for some help. we wait. i am holding alex still, not letting her move too much and trying to distract her, but mostly we are not moving, seconds to minutes, minutes to hours it felt like. those in line merely watch us. a side spectacle. it begins to be uncomfortable. Long story short, a couple in line behind me feels the uncomfortableness and the help that clearly isn't coming, and helps me clean alex and the mess on the floor. thank God for them. it would have been even more disasterous.

what i learned from this experience (and with the not so distant memory of the chocolate milk incident) Alex has her father's grace...or lack of grace. She, too, is delightfully clumsy.

Some old pictures

Sssssnakes (and not the cute little ones)

I keep forgetting to post pics of one of our sssss (as alex calls them). We've seen about three or four now, since we've moved here. Not sure if some are the same or not. A snake is a snake to me. Alex loves to go out the yard and look for snakes, she really is all boy. They are pretty cool looking. Creepy, but cool.

When I mow, I'm always sure one will wrap itself around my foot and slither around my bod! Sick! Now that creeps me out!

And I'm also sure one is living in our basement. For a couple days our basement door was open...for all to come in...and come in I'm sure they did. Bugs, rodents, SNAKES! We have no idea how the door came open (probably just not shut well and blew open) and we aren't sure how long it was open. Good thing we live in country bumpkin land and didn't have to worry about a PERSON sneaking in! We did a quick survey for little friends down there but found nothing. But I just know there is a ssss down there, hiding, waiting to slither up my stairs and surprise me in my bed!

The View, biffs, and job delays

So, as I type my newest entry, I have The View on the television (by default because it comes on after Ellen). It could quite possibly be the most annoying show in the universe! It's inane banter back and forth and over each other is enough to drive you to insanity. And yet, I find myself actually watching it and getting distracted by it. Who watches this show? Do any of you? Just curious.

So, Tim, Al, and I went to visit Tim's folks this weekend. Tim and I had the chance to go mountain biking for the first time in a couple months. We ended up meeting up with Tim's brother and his friend. They wanted to show us a cool trail they just found. I, being agreeable, agreed--whilst thinking, "oh, shit! i'm going to get my arse kicked!" Tim and Tim's brother and friend have been mountain biking since they were in the womb! They assured me it was a "nice and easy" trail. Paul (TIm's brother) only fell twice...Gee, what does that mean for me? Falling every 5 minutes? Anyway, I went along with it because I didn't want to seem like a wuss.

To my surprise, I finished the trail and then another one! The trail was definately the hardest I've ever completed. And Ihave the bruises and scratches to prove it! I fell 2.5 times. Unfortunately, they weren't cool falls that I could retell later and people would be like, "oh my gosh! that is crazy!" or "holy sh*%! You must be really brave and that must have been a rough spot!"...instead, I fell going up the very very first climb just ENTERING the trail...that's right, I wasn't even really on the trail yet! And over I went. Tim's brother, who stayed behind to take the trail slow with me, yells from ahead, "And she's down!". Yup, good start. My second fall, was because I couldn't get my foot out of my toe hold quick enough to catch myself as I tipped over ever so slowly. From the back it would have looked like me riding, and then slowing down and then just falling over to the side. No particular reason, just tipping over because I lost momentum and stopped pedalling. sweet! luckily, no one was behind me to witness it. And Paul was way ahead of me so he didn't get to see it.

My half fall was probably the best one. I was riding along and came to a log (one of many but this was the first one i came upon)...Tim always tells me not to slow down when you get to these and just sort of jump it with speed...well, i was nervous, slowed down considerably, thought better of trying to go over it--but it was too late. I was committed now...but, since i slowed down, I just ran into the log, my bike did NOT go over, but instead flipped up a bit, but somehow I managed, this time, to get my foot out of the toe hold and catch myself and my bike half way to the ground, yet far into the bushes.

The glorious thing about mountain biking is that the trails can be fairly narrow at times where you have to duck on your bike or branches etc touch your legs when you ride. So, when you fall, you fall into bushes and trees and vines, webs, etc so needless to say the falls look even more hillarious than if you were to just fall off on the street (like the many biffs I witnessed at college).

I tried taking pics of my bruises but the camera didn't do them justice. So, sorry you will have to miss out on those! but trust me I say they are Beauts! It was fun gonig with those guys...I would never have gone on such a hard trail without that pressure to not look like a wuss. I'm glad I went--even though I was so tired I thought I might vomit!! I had a blast! Can't wait to go again soon!

Finally, I was supposed to be working as of today. Well, unfortunately, my license has not yet been processed in Ohio from Indiana (which i'm assured "happens" but nonetheless, we were looking forward to an extra salary!). So, I now will be starting on September 10th. So, another 20 days of broke-ness...I can't even spend my free time at Target or online at fabric stores-- much much too tempting. Bummer.

Ironically, I got a call today from the children's hospital in cinci for a job that I applied to a long time ago but they weren't hiring new grads at the time. But now, I'm told they are. I agreed that I'd like an interview, so I'll have to wait to see. It's for an oncology/hemotolgy unit on a bone marrow transplant unit...the hospital is nationally recognized for their cancer research and cancer centers. I told them it would have to be soon. I decided that the only reason I would bail on my previous "committment" would be if the loan forgiveness program was too good to pass up or the opportunity was just too incredible that it couldn't wait. Otherwise, I am mostly doing the interview to see what Childrens has to offer that I may later seek a job there in the future. Weird, though, considering the timing. Maybe God wants me there for some reason? Well, that's putting the cart before the horse since I haven't even had an interview yet, let alone an offer.

karma's a b-i-t-c-h

So, today, after I picked up Al from the Y, I thought I'd treat myself to a diet coke from BP--and Al to a chocolate milk (a real treat). So, Alex was holding the chocolate milk, I was holding Alex and trying to pay for the cokes and milk. Alex was not in the best mood having not napped and she was feeling a little clumsy. She accidentally dropped her choco milk onto the ground. Now, you would think, Oh dang, pick it up and go about your way. Unfortunately, the milk burst and splattered all over. Still, a bummer, but you'd still think, "o well, no big deal, just some spilled milk". Well, for me, I knew I could go home and change and change Alex right away. Unfortunately, a poor gentleman came in walking directly behind me at the exact time of the explosion and caught the brunt of the blow. And even more unfortunately he was wearing a white cotton dress shirt and tan pants. Both of which showed off the splattered CHOCOLATE milk very well. I felt so bad. I told him I was so very sorry but he walked quickly away after only pausing briefly with his eyes closed, as if to get as much splatter as possible on himself. Needless to say he was PISSED. It was a quiet fuming, however. I was going to go over and apologize again, but now alex was crying, the three of us were covered in milk, and customers were gathering round--so, I thought better of it and got the hell out of there with my red face and embarrassment.

So, sorry to the chocolate stained man out there! Hope it comes out! What a bummer for him! I hope it wasn't a really important day for him to look his best, like he was going to a really important interview that may possibly change his life. Or maybe it was Karma, getting him back for something. hmmmm....there's a thought.

Finally a new update!

Here are some new pics of the bean!





















Swimming with jammies on is WAY more fun than swimm'n suit!

Her new "Chair"

Time out for a drinky-poo

Yes her suit is too small....but she wanted to wear the "ishie"

Cooper is so GLAM!

The only time in her life when a wedgie is CUTE!

So not a whole lot going on here. Just enjoying my last few remaining days of not working:) Getting a ton done around the house and playing with the bean. We started her in daycare this week. It's really hard on both Tim and I but Alex seems be doing well there. I've been putting her in there for a few hours a day and yesterday she was there for 5 hours! It's nice because when I'm there I get to work out and then go secretly watch her to see how she's doing. She seems to be happy there, maybe a little bored in her room, but she'll be moving to two's soon enough.

Uh, lets see...not a whole lot to update on...just vegging out (post house cleaning and waiting to go get the girl) and eating yummy homemade salsa and baked tortilla chips! yum!

a new site

I just found a new website that offers discount codes for various sites. I searched for them before but without a whole lot of luck. Next purchase you make online check out retailmenot.com.

i will post again tomorrow. I have a bunch of cute pics! Sorry it's been so long! been very busy!

Letting Go

So, after I finally broke down to tears tonight, I thank God that Tim understands me enough to know that it hasn't been about him...but me and my ISSUE. I'm coming face to face with the task of letting go of my babe. I guess, in a way, I've done it before...but it was different because it was with family. Alex begins day care on the 20th of August and we are going to start her slowly the week before that. I think that gradual introduction is almost more for me than her. She will love it there. She's already visited and did not want to leave. It really is going to be fun for her.

In nursing school I remember learning about women and the different stages they go through when they have children. Letting go was the one that I had not yet experienced. Well, I am now. I already feel like I'm driving her off to college, that I am no longer needed. Even as I type that, I understand how obsurd that sounds, but it doesn't change the way I feel.

I know that daycare has so many positives and many advantages to offer children, and I look forward to watching her grow through that experience. I also look forward to doing something for me with starting work in something I think will really challenge me to grow as well as give to many other peanuts in need and their families. I do dread the runny noses, the coughs, the flu, etc. that The Peanut will be bringing home with her, but I also know that her immune system will kick butt when she's older.

So, really, rationally, I know that I'm being a typical mom...going through the typical phases...I just never ever imagined it would be so incredibly emotional. I don't consider myself one of those crazy-ily obsessed moms who is obsessed with only their children...I think I have a rather good balance, actually...so I can't imagine if I were one of them!

Ok, enough. THank you for reading. I'm sure I will have many fun day care stories to share in the future, not to mention work stories. And thank you, Tim, for understanding me...getting me more than I get myself sometimes :) I'm sure this will be the first of many "letting go" blogs...

And yes, of course...as always, a quote:

"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone

(I could not have said it more perfectly. I think I finally understand, Mom, why it is you worry and you worry and you worry... :-)

Bob, SJP siting, wine, and burning the damn cookies!

Yesterday Al and I went all north of cinci to mason Ohio to get my fingerprints done for my Ohio License. It was hotter than hell, so afterwards we wanted to do something indoors. We explored a mall in cinci that turned out to be pretty awesome. The stores weren't all that amazing, though there were some cool ones like a Saks Fifth avenue outlet. They had a children's food place and there was a rollercoster inside and all kinds of cool little rides. The whole mall was painted in really bright colors and had cool animal type things hanging from the ceiling (that sounds weird now that i read that back, but they were decorations, not real dead freaky animals). So, I let Alex walk around with me without her stroller so no shopping was done. But that's ok. She needed some fun time for herself to explore. As we were walking around I saw a HUGE group of women and young girls standing in a strange line. I wasn't sure what was going on. I thought maybe there was one of those model searches type thing going on. But then, after looking a little more closely at some of those in the line, I decided this was probably not the case. Later, I found out they were waiting to see Sarah Jessica Parker herself at Steve and Barry's promoting her new line "Bitten". I went in, but only saw her from a distance. Wow! I never realized how star struck I am likely to get when faced with a star. I almost felt the need to get in line and wait so I could meet her. Maybe she would want to be my friend...Mind you, I'm not like her biggest fan, however, I do like her and nearly all her shows and movies. But when I saw her, I felt like if I didn't get in line, I would just die. It was a crazy urge, but luckily, reality set in that I had a wild two year old with me and, the crazy urge-like obsession passed. Then last night I saw it was all over the news. I felt like I needed to call everyone I knew and tell them I WAS THERE! But again, I got over it and decided I would just buy some wine and the fix'ns to make cookies..... (note the old school sjp pic!)

On to the cookies...I set out to make Tim's favorite cookie because, well, just because. They are peanut butter kisses. I thought they were going to be amazing! I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into one...or twelve. Unfortunately, due to my crappy cookie sheets, I burnt the bottoms. And I was very sad, as was Tim. He apologized for not liking them, but it still was a bummer. I did manage to make the last three without burning them. They were delightful. I ate them immediately. And I'm still eating the tops off the burnt ones. They are really more of a vehicle for the chocolate kiss...and they went well with my wine :)

Finally, oh, finally....there's Bob. It seems somehow that Alex has decided to call Tim--"Bob". Not "Da" or "Da Da"but....Bob. It's more of a "Ba-ob". We will ask her where daddy is and she does point to him, and she CAN say da da and dad and daddy, but she has decided Bob will be his name until further notice. It's pretty funny!